Her husband was addicted to gambling, and she paid the big price ...

RUTH BONNEVILLE / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS

A phone call one morning put ?Rachel Lane? on to her husband?s gambling problem and the massive debt he accumulated because of it. She discovered she owed $378,000 and he owed $500,000.

EARLY one February morning in 2008, the bottom fell out of Rachel Lane?s world. The married mother of three was getting herself and her kids ready for school when the phone rang.

"It was a woman calling to say she was suing my husband for the five thousand dollars he had borrowed from her," says Lane (not her real name). "She just wanted me to know she was suing him. Everything became so chaotic after that."

SIGNS OF TROUBLE

The AFM says you might have a gambling problem if you:

• spend more time or money on gambling than you can afford or had planned.
• borrow money to gamble.
• gamble with money meant for essentials, such as food or rent.
• neglect important responsibilities, such as work, school or family, to gamble.
• lie about or cover up the extent of your gambling.
• chase your losses to try and get your money back.
• argue with your friends and family, especially about money issues.
• have unpaid bills and increasing debts due to your gambling.
• feel regret about your gambling behaviour.
• think about gambling a lot.

AFM tips for family and friends of problem gamblers: Gamblers may be able to keep their activities a secret by doing one or more of the following:

• lying about how they spend their time and money
• controlling all the family?s finances
• directing their mail to their place of business or a post office box
• obtaining credit in their name only forging signatures for personal loans or mortgages
• Problem gamblers often need encouragement to obtain professional help or support, and they may not be able to control the problem without this help.
• Visit your financial advisors (banks, RRSP accounts, etc.) to make sure you have control over the finances that you are able to control.
• Don?t let the gambler have unnecessary access to cash and credit that you can control on your own.
• Put your family on a budget that allows for spending money, but not access to money required for necessities.
• Don?t take on the gambler?s debt.
• Don?t sign anything you don?t understand without professional advice.

1. Columns

The elementary school teacher didn?t know her now-ex-husband was a compulsive gambler. She now realizes there were warning signs, but back then, she either didn?t recognize them or brushed them off as her spouse?s idiosyncrasies. He always insisted on bringing in the mail. They rarely went out. He?d work odd evening hours. The phone, Hydro or TV would be cut off and he?d claim he?d forgotten to pay the bills.

Lane?s not alone. While hard statistics are hard to come by, close to 1,100 Manitobans have voluntarily banned themselves from our two government-run casinos. It?s important to remember those are gamblers who have admitted they have a problem and sought help. They?re out for two years and must complete a gambling education program before their ban is lifted.

If a person doesn?t want to stop playing at the casinos, no one can force them.

In 2006, the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba commissioned a study into problem gambling. It determined that 1.4 per cent of adult Manitobans could be considered to have severe problems with their gambling. That?s more than 12,000 people. The same study showed another 4.7 per cent of the adult population were considered moderate-risk for having problems with their gambling.

The issues didn?t stop with the gamblers. The AFM study revealed approximately 12 per cent of adult Manitobans experienced problems as a result of someone else?s gambling in the past year.

The AFM?s Annual Statistical Review for 2009/2010 indicated 20 per cent of its gambling-service clients reported they were involved in the legal system. Gambling was involved in more than half of those cases. Rachel Lane asked her husband to leave soon after that 2008 telephone call. When the financial damage was totalled, Lane was $378,000 in debt. Her ex was $500,000 in hock. He?d taken out a second mortgage on their Royalwood house, run up an $87,000 line of credit in her name, put $23,000 on her Visa and failed to pay the $141,000 remaining on their mortgage. They had an outstanding $4,750 Hydro debt and owed $1,780 on their water bill. She owed back taxes she thought had been paid and was responsible for a $5,500 spousal RRSP.

Lane now glumly remembers living in her $350,000 dream house without electricity for a time.

One of her lowest points came when she signed up for a joint Hydro/Salvation Army program. The program gave her $300 toward her bill when she chipped in the other $300. She needed the help, but it was humbling.

Her husband declared bankruptcy. So did she eventually, ashamed and angry. They lost their house.

He was charged with embezzlement, fraud and theft from employers and acquaintances.

When Lane found a townhouse to rent with her kids, a colleague had to co-sign the rental agreement. She?d been a teacher for 20 years, always made a good living and says she supported her husband when he took some business risks. Part of her massive debt was a loan she co-signed early one morning before work.

She thought it would help him with a job opportunity. She didn?t read the papers carefully. The money went straight into VLTs.

Bev Mehmel, director of corporate social responsibility for Manitoba Lotteries, says the corporation stresses gambling is a form of entertainment that will cost you money.

"There?s no magic that?s going to win their money back," she says. "Gambling?s a bit confusing. There?s a lot of .myths. As human beings, we don?t deal well with randomness."

VLTs and slot machines are entirely random, she says. Just because you play for an hour without winning doesn?t mean the machine is about to pay out.

There are information centres at each casino staffed by AFM volunteers. If people need to talk about gambling concerns, they can. Mehmel points to the AFM help line as a 24-hour, multilingual source for gamblers and their families.

Manitoba Lotteries gives the AFM over $3 million annually to support a range of problem-gambling prevention, education and treatment services.

She said casino staff are limited in the direct intervention they can offer. Unlike an alcoholic, problem gamblers don?t show obvious signs they?re in trouble. Unless they?ve voluntarily banned themselves, they?re not prevented for plugging money into machines.

Rachel Lane says she contacted all the hotels around Windsor Park after she discovered her husband?s secret. She showed them his picture and the majority agreed not to let him back in.

She has slowly dug herself out of debt. In the beginning, she sold everything she could to raise money.

Her union and colleagues at work have been tremendously supportive. She?s had "a ton of counselling." But her relationship with one of her three children is fractured, and she still feels stupid about not noticing the problem sooner.

"This is such a silent addiction," she says. "My real lesson is you need to be involved in your marriage and the finances in your marriage."

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lindor.reynolds@freepress.mb.ca

Source: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/Her-husband-was-addicted-to-gambling-and-she-paid-the-big-price-186609121.html

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